I’m not talking about some divorce that happens 3 weeks after that awesome weekend in Vegas. I mean the ones that come after years and years of marriage. The truly honest ones where they got married under the pretense of having no end in sight (read: forever), because they were that in love. And then eventually getting a divorce? That must be fucking terrifying. They probably thought they were set; like that was one big area of their life they never have to worry about. Two people live their lives together, completely - like that Spice Girls song where “two become one”. Okay, that’s a horrible reference. How about, it’s like Aristophanes’ speech in Plato’s Symposium, where he tells a myth about how people used to be spherical asexual creatures with body parts belonging to both men and women. They didn’t need others to procreate, because they were whole and complete. And, in his myth, one day Zeus and all the other gods got worried because they thought maybe the humans would become to powerful, so Zeus sliced everyone in half - making two sexes, male and female. And from that day on, no one was whole - everyone would forever be in search of Love because that is what brought them together with their soulmate; their other half. Kind of a beautiful little myth, really. But nothing more.
People still go in search of love and relationships and “mates” in some effort of completion. Whether it’s because they want to have kids or just don’t want to die alone, people are generally searching for the special someone who can bring them some satisfaction and peace of mind. So it makes sense that most people try to avoid getting a divorce. Some people see divorce as weak, like it’s the easy way out. “You should work on your marriage.” As if they were just throwin’ the towel in so easily.
To admit to yourself and your spouse that it’s over takes a lot more courage, strength, and perseverance than it does to stay together for the sake of being comfortable, worry of what others will think, or even the fucking kids. There’s no solidarity in staying in a loveless marriage. People change all the time. Chances are you’ve been doing it for years so it’s pretty illogical to think that you suddenly won’t change after a certain point, unless that point is death. I’m not saying that it’s impossible - obviously, some people do stay happily married and in love til they die. But that isn’t the fucking rule - it’s the exception. Divorce doesn’t kill the concept of “happily ever after” - staying in a loveless marriage does.
You are not brave staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy. What makes you brave is to admit that things are not working and to leave the situation in search of new happiness.
Socks: buy ten pairs of black cotton socks and ten woollen; and stick to black for the rest of your life, saving hundreds of hours trying to match odd socks.
Knots: these tend to tighten under tension: compression can loosen them; so to unpick, push rather than pull apart, first stiffening up the cord by twisting with (not counter to) the cord’s existing twist.
Shaving: except when the stubble is very heavy, shave against rather than with the lie of the beard.
Port can cause a ghastly hangover.
Charged by a bullock, lunge: he’ll back off. But not a bull. Learn to distinguish. Bullocks have no balls.
A good-looking man always knows this; there are no shy, modest Adonises, waiting to be discovered by you. Few people are genuinely unaware of any great talent they possess.
Bloodstains can be removed by pouring boiling water through (not over) the cloth.
Candle wax really can be ironed out of clothes or rugs by ironing between sheets of newspaper.
Generally speaking, a worm won’t turn, or he already would have. Proceed on the working assumption that most people will carry on behaving as they’ve always behaved so far.
Never fly to anywhere outside America via Miami.
There’s usually a reason why friendless people lack friends.
Non-ferrous metals don’t trigger most security scanners, so don’t bother to empty your pockets of change.
Never kid yourself you can make something of somebody; instead, find someone who’s making something of themselves, and help them, otherwise years can be expended trying to push the human equivalent of a wet end of spaghetti up a wall.
If milk’s even a bit off, it’s off.
Wasps really don’t sting unless attacked.
Coffee grounds get everywhere.
Be brutal about wedding invitations: there are only so many Saturdays in your life.
Squeezing spots really does aggravate the inflammation.
All occasions on which women wear hats are utterly pointless.
If you think you might be about to be sick, you are about to be sick: run to the loo. If you feel you might be about to faint, you will unless you drop to the floor immediately.
Nothing in politics is more than 85 per cent certain.
Resolve now — now — never to iron a shirt in your life: make this your starting-point, your irreducible core, and find another way.
Sick animals are almost always going to die.
A struggling shrub or tree is usually beyond help.
Mildew and fungal blights are impossible to eradicate.
Violently boiling water isn’t any hotter than gently boiling water.
Don’t think people aren’t going to notice dirty fingernails.
You can eradicate nettles but there’s no point attacking ground-elder. Rubbing nettle stings really does make them worse.
People who say their first impressions are always right are people too pig-headed to revise them; first impressions can be wholly wrong.
Never underestimate the pleasure that can be given by cancelling a party: busy friends love an unexpected diary window.
Sex: don’t overlook the possibility that the other person is waiting for you to make the first move; and remember that no male, however indifferent to your charms, is actually offended by a pass being made at him, though he may be a little startled.
If practicable, carry heavy bags, cases or furniture on your head: much less strain.
If the first nail won’t hammer into a wall, the second won’t either.
Never accuse someone of stealing unless you’re absolutely sure.
Never return a gift. Never rescind an invitation.
Never think that someone who might have expected to be included won’t notice they haven’t been.
Buy wide-toed shoes, a size too big, go shoe-less whenever possible, and you’ll still have perfect feet at 60.
Wash your hair with water and ban shampoo: this really works.
Whenever contemplating taking out insurance, don’t — but deposit the amount of the premium in an earmarked savings account. You’ll almost certainly end up miles ahead.
When things stop working the natural human assumption that there’s a particular cause is frequently mistaken: often there are multiple causes in malign combination.
Friends won’t volunteer criticism: you have to ask.
Patent car-radiator-sealing fluids rarely solve the problem.
You can walk away from bores: they’re used to this and develop thick skins.
When tossing and turning in an irrational half-awake state of insomnia, wake yourself up properly, switch on the light, get up and strip and remake your bed, then go back to bed.
When cocking up a task, “stop; abort; start again” is usually better than trying to rectify.
If you’re standing up to read newspapers you’re getting long-sighted: reading glasses can be obtained for £2; buy ten.
If, at a moment when any reasonable person would expect you to lose your cool completely, you instead don’t, and stay calm and collected, nobody present will ever forget this about you.
In plumbing or siphoning, air-locks are often the problem, and run counter to the laws of physics.
By acting bravely we become brave; not the other way round.
Never melt wax in a saucepan you hope to use again.
“That’s what I mean by possibility. It’s all around you. How can you ignore it? You have a certain ability and the opportunity to use it: can you keep your mouth shut and let it pass?”—Murakami, Norwegian Wood (via seymourglass) (via unicornology) (via sine-qua-non)